This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
