You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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