Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
