Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
