a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
