he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my sisters under your porch take her home
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
