Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
