Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
