I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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