as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
