Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
