I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
