I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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