i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
