I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
