Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
