Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
