Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
