Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
