shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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