i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
