what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
