He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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