i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
