I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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