Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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