Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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