Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
