Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
