If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
