One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just googled if crying burns calories
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
