We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
