She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
