he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
