Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
