it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
