That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
