I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
