Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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