Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Alive.
So much puke
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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