i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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