Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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