this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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