Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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