Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
