were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
