My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
