Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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