Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
