My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
