My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
