Already got asked if we're dating
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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