also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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