Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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