Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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