hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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