So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
