We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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