I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
we're so committed to being not committed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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