I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
