How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
