I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
